The topic of vulnerability as a necessity for human connection and happiness, lures my intrigue. I recently listened to talk on the subject of the "Wholehearted Folks" who live from a space of joy and how they differ from the rest of "us" that easily stumble over life's little miseries. I try, oh I do try to live from that source of positive thinking, that space of soulful courage and that ability to look at the hard stuff as just an inevitable necessity of the good life. I often find myself existing in moments where I fail entirely to find that faith in myself and in the world around me. I go from my wholehearted ways of being to being skeptical and searching. Ugh, I don't like this.
Something interesting came to my attention. What causes emotional suffering? What comes over me when I feel sad, disconnected and uncertain of my place in this world? Well, I loose sight of a few things: I stop allowing myself to be imperfect. I seek to control the outcome of my life that is not for me to control. And I want all the good, beautiful, light and lovely things in life to mine, but I am unwillingly to be vulnerable, to expose myself and to be painfully real at times. So it would seem that when I am struggling the most, it is because I am unwilling to compromise. I am unwilling to compromise my vanity, my pride whatever it may be to get to the source of what is simple, true and perhaps lovely.
In honor of the New Year's resolution tradition (which i never stick to) this year i will attempt a little more exercise. Except this exercise is not for the toning of muscles and the perfecting of the body, this exercise will be on vulnerability. Yep, I am going to get more comfortable with the idea of being more vulnerable, yikes!
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